you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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