i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
