so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
