WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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