If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
