I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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