i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
