Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
sex in a hospital.. check
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize