he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
