in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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