You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
