5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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