There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
