I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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