It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
