ya dads aren't the best wingmen
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Randomize
