I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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