so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
