We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
