Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
