There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All the doctor said was why
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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