I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
