Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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