i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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