I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
