if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
being pregnant is like rehab
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
