A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
