Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
