I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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