i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
