I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
