Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
