I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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