On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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