that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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