i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
