end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
