Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think your dad took our porno
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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