Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
