this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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