you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
