I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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