Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
