I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
