i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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