i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I love you.
Bad choice
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
