I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
