Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
