omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
