Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
