The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize