Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
