I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
