I look better un-naked...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
