On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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