I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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