hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
