I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize