I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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