I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
