Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize