i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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