You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
