Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
