Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
