he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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