i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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