I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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