Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
