I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
