After last night, I could never be a politician.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
