...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
