I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I could make wine with my vomit
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
