Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
