It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Found your dick twin last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
