Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
