i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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