Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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