thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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